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i don't think i'll ever be normal again...

Posted by u/CryingInDaClurb

CW: #gore, #violence

i've seen so much while i've been in the industry. I got out a few years ago but i don't think i'll be normal again. i've been in therapy since i got out but i still struggle so much with so many different things. one of the things i can't get out of my head was this one time a girl at the facility was gored by a bull. we had to take care of a herd of cows and a few bulls. i don't know what had set off the bulls but they were mega agitated and were more jumpy. our guards made this girl get into the pen to try and calm down the bull with a tranquilizer shot. it was awful. the bull charged and the poor girl was right there at the end of the horns. hell she didn't even get the tranq in. but the horns. the bull's head was tilted and the right horn had pierced the girl's gut. her body was leaned over the bull's head and there was so much blood. it was such a mess after too. the bull was tranquilzed somehow and the guards slowly walked up to help her but they were too busy fucking around before they could even help her meaningfully. i hate them, i hate the facility, i hate everything



god that sounds awful! hopefully u have a good support system

Posted by u/dreamermode


ive got that exact feeling of how ill never be normal again. ive seen some messed up stuff too and i find that it helps me to share the experience with loved ones, like spreading weight over a net to make it easier to carry.

Posted by u/TraffiCone

i've never thought of it that way... i'll see if any of my friends would be willing to listen to me (u/CryingInDaClurb)

it really does help! (u/TraffiCone)


wish i culd say smth helpful but all i can say is im sorry for ur pain

Posted by u/LunaMoon


im so sorry for your experience

Posted by u/FEEMA


I've seen some really crazy stuff too. I wish I could hug you. I'm 21 now and I still have dreams of the things I saw. I find that being honest with myself and not shoving down the memories helped with my recovery.

Posted by u/PokeFan

what do you mean not shoving down the memories? (u/CryingInDaClurb)

For example, when a bad memory comes into your mind don't deny it. Don't try to push it away but allow it to remain for a moment. Don't relive it but give it the space to be at the front of your mind. I know that it's super hard to allow the horrible memories to take up your mind but processing them is more important for your journey than pushing it away. (u/PokeFan)

ill try but im not sure. (u/CryingInDaClurb)